God's Design For True Intimacy

Posted by Steve Nyhof on 8 May 2011 | Add a Comment

The unique individual personalities designed into my being - by God, altered by my childhood, is who I understand I became as my person.

This uniqueness each of us have is somehow attractive to another for many reasons. Once connected, the attraction is more driven by a chemical called dopamine, acting like a magnet driving people to each other, and highly emotional based. This after a disconnected childhood experience feels very satisfying and fulfilling. Most people view this as love, but it is only attraction, and it is very surface compared to what God has planned for relationships. It is only the first part of God's design - to procreate. It is not part of God's final design for true intimacy. God has a larger and more deeply intimate plan in mind for us. This one takes place on our journey of life.

As dopamine fades from our brains (which most people associate with falling out of love), our unique personalities are now viewed as contrary because our personalities and behaviors of our childhood understanding of expectations dictate what we think the other person should do and become like - typically a mother or father figure who has given to our child behavior needs and desires to be loved. For most, there was a lack of love, for others a great deal of love, but either way, someone else was giving or taking while we received or didn't receive - a take mode and mentality. A child understands well taking, he/she does not well understand giving.

For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh. Genesis 2:24 - Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate. Mark 10:9

God's design in my marriage includes commitment because it is at this point in my relationship with my wife that God brought the two of us together in the first place. Attraction and then procreation was only the first part of His design. God is the creator and designer, and part of His design include Himself as part of the relationship between my wife and I.

God's overshadowing ever-present "Light" or characteristics (love, kindness, gentleness, serving, etc.) becomes the source that gives life and meaning to all the unique personality characteristics of both my wife and I. God's "Light" is based on giving. This is why we might find ourselves resisting God; as children and young adults we mainly understand taking. And expectations are based on taking.

Life (my person) in the physical body on earth and dealing within today's circumstances become my and my wife's training field. Our unique personalities along with God's ever-present "Light" create the relationship of His foreseen, final and perfect design for oneness with each other.

When God created man, he made him in the likeness of God. Male and female created he them; and blessed them, and called their name Adam (human or mankind, but one), in the day when they were created. Genesis 5:1-2

God does not view our marriage as Steve and Mary, but them (us as one). But because God is part of this perfect design, we see this as three in one, a representation of the Trinity (Father, Son and Holy Spirit). Mary and I are created in His likeness to become like His likeness.

The more we become one with God, the more our unique personalities can be exercised to His glory for our person as one (the two of us exercising all of our characteristics as a whole). We then become more aware of and appreciate the unique personalities of each other. This oneness with God and with eachother becomes an ever growing awareness that will connect to and appreciate the unique personalities and characteristics of others as well. This is where the mentality of childlike "taking" fades away, and adult "giving" becomes the new norm.

It is in this state of "Being" that God opens up the eyes of our hearts to see others as God sees us. In this place there is a knowing that words cannot express. This is the place where true intimate fellowship and joy Live!

Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. 1 Corinthians 13:12

The last part of this intimate relationship involves our eternal state of Being in the full presence of God in Glory, where we will use our earthly trained awareness, oneness and intimate human relationships that we learned and practiced throughout our life time, to now enjoy thee intimate and fully known relationship with God.


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